Dating is not at all what I expected it to be. It isn't at all like the last time I was single. Before, dating was fun. I would go out with anyone once, it didn't matter if I knew ahead of time that we weren't a good match, it didn't matter if I knew ahead of time it would be a disaster, it didn't matter what we did or how much it cost or any of that. It didn't matter because then dating was about having a new experience and getting to know new people. And I loved it! I had so many incredible experiences, and did so many crazy things. And boy, do I have some stories I could share! I should write a book, really, it was that good.
Dating the second time around, for me, is not the same experience at all.
First of all, I live in a tiny town where I am one of like four single people, and one of those is a woman and the rest are creepy. So there isn't a lot to choose from, which makes it hard to get a date.
The second thing I didn't realize until I started attending some single activities with my friend in a nearby town. It turns out that I'm "not actually single". Funny, I've been "not single" before, and it was nothing like this, AND I have the messy divorce and crazy ex husband to prove it, so I really thought I was. Nope. Evidentally, according to one of the singles ward guys I have kids, so I'm "more of a ...company, than a single" and I "don't really belong with the other nice unmarried adults."
... So there's that:)
And finally, when you reach a certain age (I just turned 29, which isn't old anywhere else but in Mormon culture where it's actually ancient) people are in a hurry to get married. You can't just date because you want to have fun, or because going out is nice sometimes. Nope, you get one shot, and if you can't see yourselves together forever, it's over. And even worse, if you DO get along and think you could stand to spend some time together, the second date includes a DTR (determine the relationship) and a possible proposal. Because time is ticking, and can't be waisted on silly little things like learning each other's hobbies, or more about their family, or how to correctly pronounce last names... No, if you have found someone who isn't completely repulsed by you the time to act is NOW because the number of elegable singles is quickly diminishing, and those who snooze, will, in fact, lose.
And then there are my friends. Man, I love 'em. They have the best of intentions, really they do, but they are desperate to find someone for me. DESPERATE! One saw a guy in the temple one day, so she figured he must be a good guy, right? So a few weeks later when she saw him at the mall she literally chased him down to try to get me a date... good thing he sensed danger and bolted! Really, would it be worse to have him not want to date the friend of some crazy lady who stalks him in the mall, figuring that if I am that desperate I must be a total freak. Or is it worse for him to see my crazy stalker friend and realize that I must be a freak and STILL say yes he would date me? What kind of a freak would that make him? There just isn't any winning in that situation. And another friend notices random men who aren't wearing wedding rings and asks them if they want to date me, like the yard maintainence man at the city building or the Jr. livestock judge at the fair. I'm not kidding, I couldn't even make this stuff up. And by the way, not all men who don't wear wedding rings are single. And that gets awkward! And one day I got an excited call from my best friend. It seems that as his wife was parusing the local paper she came across a personal ad from a guy who had three kids and was looking for a wife to take care of them. They saved the ad for me. Nice! It's not that I don't want the help finding a date. I like my friends and if they have a nice single guy who likes them too, we might be able to hit it off. I just think that if they DON'T know someone nice it's okay to say that and not try to seek out new friends... or bus boys... or strangers on the street for me to date.
It's not that I don't want to get married. I actually would love it. Though my first marriage was not good, doesn't mean that all marriage is not good. I am still a romanic at heart, that has not changed. I just want to know who I'm marrying. For real. I thought I knew last time, and I. did. not! and I don't want that to happen again. I don't think that is too much to ask, is it?
So for now I'm still trying to find my dating niche. I'm taking it slow. I'm avoiding going out in public with my friends, I'm steering clear of defining myself as single, and I'm hanging in there. Wish me luck, I'm going to need it!
And then there are my friends. Man, I love 'em. They have the best of intentions, really they do, but they are desperate to find someone for me. DESPERATE! One saw a guy in the temple one day, so she figured he must be a good guy, right? So a few weeks later when she saw him at the mall she literally chased him down to try to get me a date... good thing he sensed danger and bolted! Really, would it be worse to have him not want to date the friend of some crazy lady who stalks him in the mall, figuring that if I am that desperate I must be a total freak. Or is it worse for him to see my crazy stalker friend and realize that I must be a freak and STILL say yes he would date me? What kind of a freak would that make him? There just isn't any winning in that situation. And another friend notices random men who aren't wearing wedding rings and asks them if they want to date me, like the yard maintainence man at the city building or the Jr. livestock judge at the fair. I'm not kidding, I couldn't even make this stuff up. And by the way, not all men who don't wear wedding rings are single. And that gets awkward! And one day I got an excited call from my best friend. It seems that as his wife was parusing the local paper she came across a personal ad from a guy who had three kids and was looking for a wife to take care of them. They saved the ad for me. Nice! It's not that I don't want the help finding a date. I like my friends and if they have a nice single guy who likes them too, we might be able to hit it off. I just think that if they DON'T know someone nice it's okay to say that and not try to seek out new friends... or bus boys... or strangers on the street for me to date.
It's not that I don't want to get married. I actually would love it. Though my first marriage was not good, doesn't mean that all marriage is not good. I am still a romanic at heart, that has not changed. I just want to know who I'm marrying. For real. I thought I knew last time, and I. did. not! and I don't want that to happen again. I don't think that is too much to ask, is it?
So for now I'm still trying to find my dating niche. I'm taking it slow. I'm avoiding going out in public with my friends, I'm steering clear of defining myself as single, and I'm hanging in there. Wish me luck, I'm going to need it!
