Remember the time I had to wander around a men's restroom in the dark?

This is the sentence I am going to be using to get Ethan to do things that I don't want to for a LONG time. One thing you don't think about when you get a divorce is the public restroom situation. It isn't a big deal when Adia has to go because I can go in too, but when Ethan has to go it's a disaster waiting to happen. I stand outside the door anxiously waiting and hoping and praying that he will make it out without causing a flood or some kind of contention, or an inappropriate flushing incident. It usually ends with me standing outside the door shouting, "Ethan if you aren't out here by the time I count to five I'm coming in, and that's going to embarrass both of us!" Anyway, lately Ethan has had a really bad habit of turning off the light when he leaves a public restroom. Sometimes it doesn't matter, but sometimes there are other people in there, and it is a problem. Usually someone gives a little holler and Ethan will go back in and flip it on again. I'm not sure why he has this problem, he doesn't turn out ANY lights at our house... but back to the matter at hand. Right after the divorce we were traveling a little bit, and we used a LOT of public restrooms. This little lights out problem happened repeatedly, but it was never much of a big deal. Then came the last night of our vacation. We were eating at a restaurant, and Ethan went to the restroom. I was waiting outside the door for him. When he came out he flipped off the light. I started to remind him to turn it back on when all of a sudden a string of profanity came full speed out of the restroom. Somebody had been in there, and he was MAD! Really mad. He had some impressive word-combining skill, and came up with some very colorful sentences. I told Ethan to go back in and turn it on, but he was scooting back against the opposite wall, his eyes the size of dinner plates, and worry etched on his face. Again I said "Ethan, go in there and turn the light on." He looked at me, with is scared little face, and just shook his head slightly.

"Ethan, you have to, that guy is mad!"

Another little shake of the head.

They guy in the bathroom is getting MORE angry, if that's possible. We can hear his frustration through the now closed bathroom door. Something had to be done.

"Ethan, I'm not kidding"

He suddenly springs into life. He takes off toward our table. "I'm going to get Grandpa."

But I know that my dad is already in the truck waiting for us. And now nearly everyone in the restaurant is looking our way, wondering what I had done to make the "Angry Pooper" so vocal. There was only one thing to do. I had to flip the light on. I opened the door, and stuck my hand in. I felt all along the wall, as far as I could reach. Nothing. No switch. They guy is still yelling. He isn't making any effort to come out of the stall and turn it on himself. Several people are still looking my way, but no one is coming to my aid. (Thanks all of you LAZY men!) I swing the bathroom door open wide to allow for as much light as I can get. Then I plunge into the bathroom, which smells just about the way you would think a men's bathroom might smell, only times ten (Yuck! That's how I know to call him the "angry pooper". It was obvious what he was doing in there, and probably that is why he was so mad about the little predicament, and why he made no move to remedy the situation...) I still can't see the switch, and the door is about to swing closed again. Just as the light dims I see the switch on the opposite wall from where I had been looking. I dive for it, just as the light ends. I feel around the wall in the dark, finally find the switch, flip it on, cover my eyes just in case somebody was exposed. I dart for the door, dash across the restaurant and into the freedom of the outdoors, run across the parking lot, jump in the truck and yell for my dad to "GO! Drive!" You would think I had just held up the place or something, but I did need to make a get away, and fast before anyone saw my face. Whew, and then I was safe. But I do think I will avoid Price, Ut and the surrounding areas for a while just in case someone might recognize me! On second thought maybe we should avoid public places all together for a while...

The place to NOT find a date!

In Utah, if you have kids and you are getting a divorce, you are required by law to attend a divorced parenting class to give you tips on helping your kids through the divorce. I actually think it's a good idea. I enjoyed the class and learned a lot. Sure a lot of it was common sense, but some of it was things that I hadn't even thought of, so it was an acceptable use of my morning and my $60. The class lasted several hours, so they gave us a break every now and then. Before the class started I was really impressed with how friendly people were. I walked in, and instantly some guys pointed out a free seat by them that I could sit in. Then we had a good conversation - you know, get to know you stuff, and whatever. But the class started right away, so we didn't have a lot of time to talk. When the break came one of the guys near me offered to show a bunch of us the bathroom and vending machines. (this wasn't his first time in the divorced parenting class... so either he is starved for a good time, or this wasn't his first divorce... either way, he knew the ropes, and I was happy to get a chocolate fix) When we got back to the classroom, I was shocked at what I found. People were exchanging numbers... like for a date! I'm sorry, but don't you think DIVORCE CLASS is the WORST place possible to find a date?! Alright, so maybe not the WORST, there are probably worse places, like...um... prison, or the Gyno maybe, but divorce class has to be on the top 5 list I would think. So it was pretty gagtastic to me, and I declined a few times using the excuse that I wasn't actually divorced yet. (FYI NO ONE was divorced yet, you couldn't get divorced without the signature of the teacher...) Same thing happened at the next break, but this time I noticed a group of people who weren't exchanging numbers and moved out of the "hot seat" to a place next to them.

Then, the last hour of class was opened up for questions. The class was taught by a psychologist, and his advice and perspective was good, so I took advantage of the situation. I had been pretty worried about how Ethan would handle the whole situation. (he has special needs and abandonment issues, so I was worried about how to make him understand it all without feeling out of control. At that point he had been handling it super well. We had great communication, and while he didn't like the situation, he seemed to have a really good grasp on what was going on. I was wondering if that was normal, or if I should expect a blow up at any moment. I also wanted to know of any tips for special needs kids, etc.) A guy nearby -in the non-scuzzy group- mentioned that he had a daughter with Autism, and was concerned about her too. We had a great conversation about it, and both of us got some great advice from the teacher. At the end of the class people who didn't come together were leaving together. There was even some hand holding - I'm not even kidding, you and I BOTH wish I was. Yucky! The guy with the autistic daughter, Sean, approached me and we talked a little bit more about our situations. He was super nice, and seemed like he sincerely cared about his kids,( who he had sole custody of - not that it matters, it just made me feel good about him. ) When I was leaving he asked if he could have my number so we could talk more about our kids and their reactions. (I know what you're thinking, but seriously, the thought never crossed my mind.) At the time I had a photography studio, so I gave him my card with my number on it. He asked if I took pictures, I said yes, he needed some new family pictures -minus the wife- so we set up an appointment for me to do it the next weekend. Throughout the week he called a couple of times to ask me autism questions. He was super nice, and I was happy to have someone to talk to that knew what I was going through. So the day came when we had scheduled the shoot. He picked me up so that he could take me to a spot he had picked out for the pictures. They turned out stunning. His ex wife had the kids for the night, so he dropped them off on the way to drop me off. Then we decided to get ice cream to celebrate the fact that my divorce was finalized the day before. (it was a super fast divorce because of the circumstances, and it really was worth celebrating) Then he took me home. I am not even kidding that I thought we were out on business, not pleasure. I had no idea that we were on a date until he walked me to the door and went in for a kiss! I used my super fast karate chop moves and blocked him as I shouted "I CAN'T DATE YET!" It was not smooth. Not at all.

Needless to say we didn't call and talk about our kids anymore after that. And the next time I went on a date I asked if it was one, just to be sure:)

What's going on here?!?

Well, I decided I need a fun blog. My blog used to be fun, but now it's full of personal things and every day stuff, and things I don't want everyone to know. It has been really healing for me, and helpful, but now I think I'm ready to not take things so seriously anymore. So let the fun begin!

If we are new friends, just met, or you don't know me well, there are a few things you should know in order to understand this blog.

First: I am an open book. I don't hold much back. I like being upfront, and I feel like we can all learn from each other's experiences if we have the courage to share them.

Second: I am divorced. I am an LDS woman (go HERE if you don't know what that means) who thought she was doing everything right, and it turns out she wasn't. I got married in the temple to someone who I loved, and who loved me. We struggled with infertility together which was harder on our marriage than I realized. We adopted two beautiful children, which was the most wonderful gift I could imagine, but it was also really hard, and permanently damaging in ways I didn't realize. We looked like a perfect family on the outside. We went to church, had callings, read scriptures, prayed, went to the temple... I EVEN CANNED! :) But one day, out of the blue, things changed. My husband made some lifestyle changes that didn't include a wife and kids, and there you go! (Out of respect for the situation I won't say what happened... but yeah, it is totally what you're thinking:) So my kids and I moved a million miles away (or like 300, whatever) to live with my parents while I finish my degree in Social Work.

Third: The way I deal with hard things is to laugh about them. I like to find the bright side of even totally crappy situations, and that sometimes means that I make fun or light of things that aren't really that funny. Like divorce. All by itself, it's not a super hilarious subject, but me dating, me living with my parents after 12 years of NOT, me trying to do all kinds of normal family things without anyone there to help, yeah, that's the stuff that epically hilarious stories are made from. (and even if they AREN'T that funny, there's something to be said for laughing instead of crying...:)

Fourth: Kindo goes along with three. Everyone deals with trials in different ways. Everyone has a different opinion. Everyone thinks about things from a different angle. I love that about people. I celebrate that. However, at the end of the day this is MY blog, and this is the way I deal with/ think about/ look at things. I am sorry if I offend you with anything I say. I try hard not to offend people ever, but it happens sometimes. It just does. And I want to know about that. I want to hear your viewpoint. I am in no way finished growing, and if you can help me do that, by all means, share. But talk nice. We all have rights here. You have the right to stop reading if I bug you. I have the right to delete your mean comments, OR publicly mock your stupidity here on the internet for the world to see. (FYI it will usually be the latter:)

Fifth: I say the word "crap" entirely too often. (Not super important, but I felt like there should be a fifth point...:)

So now that we have set the rules, lets have a good laugh at my expense, shall we?